The Post That Makes You Stop Talking To Me
I have a confession to make.
I've been afraid to bring this up as it's a sensitive topic for many. It's ugly and it's shameful and, though it affects 8 out of 10 American households, you will probably judge me for it.
...
Let me start at the beginning.
I met Twitter about eight months ago, though we've only been serious for the past three. Twitter tells me that I've updated over 250 times and have over 100 followers-- I even uploaded a background picture to my profile page. I invested.
It started out innocently enough: I was following a handful of real-life friends, none of whom updated with any regularity. I thought we could keep it casual, take things slow. I've been hurt by social media platforms before-- Friendster, Orkut, LinkedIn... let's not even talk about Myspace. That wound is still too fresh.
My point is that, having suffered so much heartbreak already, I was in no hurry to rush into something serious. I thought Twitter seemed cute and fun, and I'll admit I was a bit dazzled by all the name-dropping. It all seemed so innocent.
But Twitter and me? We never really clicked, if you know what I mean. Sure we spent a lot of time together, but it always felt so forced, like I was trying to have a good time. He was so pushy, so different from me. I never felt like I could be myself around him.
But even as doubts began to plague me, the chorus around me continued: "We love Twitter. Twitter's great. We think Twitter's really good for you, Laurie."
And I kept thinking, "Maybe if I just try a little harder. Maybe it's me. Maybe I need to change."
But as time went on, things continued to deteriorate. He was always talking, you know? Always asking about my day, but then not really listening; always babbling on about every little thing without ever delving beyond the surface.
"I just ate Frosted Mini-Wheats," he'd tell me, while I was trying to write.
"I'm late for a meeting," he'd pop in to say, making me late for my own.
"I need to cut my hair," he'd drone on, as I stared at him in disbelief, trying in vain to plug my ears. "My coworker's annoying. It's snowing outside. This coffee tastes weird. I hate this movie."
"WHAT MEETING?" I would shout at his stupid, unblinking little screen. "What movie? Who the hell is your coworker? Why are you telling me this? I FEEL LIKE I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU."
Blink.
Blink.
"I have to pee."
And so it went.
It went on like this for months-- his passive-aggressive comments, his tedious minutiae, his every stupid little thought-- all shared in these 140-character sound bites, a one-way stream of nothingness. I tried to ask him questions, tried to pull him out, but he was just so cold. He rarely answered me at all and, when he did, it was always so... short.
So empty.
I can't explain why I've stayed with him as long as I have. I guess I blamed myself; I kept thinking I could make it better. I didn't want to disappoint anyone.
But I've slowly begun to feel that I've spent the past three months living a lie... and I think it's time to come clean.
I hate Twitter.
In all seriousness, Twitter's downfall for me has been three-fold:
Just kidding, we're not that close yet.
How do you feel about Twitter? I know some of you are die-hard enthusiasts while others wouldn't be caught dead with an '@' sign near your name. Share your thoughts-- and use as many characters as necessary.
* That was a joke; I didn't have a boyfriend in high school. THANKS FOR BRINGING IT UP.
I've been afraid to bring this up as it's a sensitive topic for many. It's ugly and it's shameful and, though it affects 8 out of 10 American households, you will probably judge me for it.
...
Let me start at the beginning.
I met Twitter about eight months ago, though we've only been serious for the past three. Twitter tells me that I've updated over 250 times and have over 100 followers-- I even uploaded a background picture to my profile page. I invested.
It started out innocently enough: I was following a handful of real-life friends, none of whom updated with any regularity. I thought we could keep it casual, take things slow. I've been hurt by social media platforms before-- Friendster, Orkut, LinkedIn... let's not even talk about Myspace. That wound is still too fresh.
My point is that, having suffered so much heartbreak already, I was in no hurry to rush into something serious. I thought Twitter seemed cute and fun, and I'll admit I was a bit dazzled by all the name-dropping. It all seemed so innocent.
But Twitter and me? We never really clicked, if you know what I mean. Sure we spent a lot of time together, but it always felt so forced, like I was trying to have a good time. He was so pushy, so different from me. I never felt like I could be myself around him.
But even as doubts began to plague me, the chorus around me continued: "We love Twitter. Twitter's great. We think Twitter's really good for you, Laurie."
And I kept thinking, "Maybe if I just try a little harder. Maybe it's me. Maybe I need to change."
But as time went on, things continued to deteriorate. He was always talking, you know? Always asking about my day, but then not really listening; always babbling on about every little thing without ever delving beyond the surface.
"I just ate Frosted Mini-Wheats," he'd tell me, while I was trying to write.
"I'm late for a meeting," he'd pop in to say, making me late for my own.
"I need to cut my hair," he'd drone on, as I stared at him in disbelief, trying in vain to plug my ears. "My coworker's annoying. It's snowing outside. This coffee tastes weird. I hate this movie."
"WHAT MEETING?" I would shout at his stupid, unblinking little screen. "What movie? Who the hell is your coworker? Why are you telling me this? I FEEL LIKE I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU."
Blink.
Blink.
"I have to pee."
And so it went.
It went on like this for months-- his passive-aggressive comments, his tedious minutiae, his every stupid little thought-- all shared in these 140-character sound bites, a one-way stream of nothingness. I tried to ask him questions, tried to pull him out, but he was just so cold. He rarely answered me at all and, when he did, it was always so... short.
So empty.
I can't explain why I've stayed with him as long as I have. I guess I blamed myself; I kept thinking I could make it better. I didn't want to disappoint anyone.
But I've slowly begun to feel that I've spent the past three months living a lie... and I think it's time to come clean.
I hate Twitter.
In all seriousness, Twitter's downfall for me has been three-fold:
- a flaw in how I've used Twitter
- a flaw in how others use Twitter
- a flaw in Twitter's design
- There is a flaw in how I've used Twitter.
With a few exceptions, I haven't really sought out people on Twitter. For the most part, people have 'followed' me and I've dutifully followed back each and every one (unless they were clearly a SpamBot from Outer Space). For the most part, these are folks with whom I've had little to no prior contact.
Every morning I logged into Twitter and was greeted by a veritable avalanche of meaningless information:- the tedious minutiae of a stranger's day
- links to articles I'd already read or that aren't relevant to me
- passive-aggressive comments directed to people I don't know
Most of it was either profoundly negative, profoundly boring, or both, and 98% of it meant nothing to me.
For the first time in my Gen Y / Web 2.0 existence, I was experiencing true Information Overload. I couldn't keep up with the constant stream of tweets and, frankly, I didn't want to. Every visit to Twitter left me feeling anxious and ill-at-ease, but I didn't think I could "unfollow" anyone for fear of alienating readers or causing hurt feelings.
It sucked.
This morning, I finally caved. I went through and unfollowed everyone who didn't fit one or more of the following criteria:- someone I know in real life
- someone I know online, but with whom I've had an ongoing, mutually rewarding relationship
- someone whose tweets consistently add value to my day, either by making me laugh or by providing useful information
My friend list shrunk by more than half. Oof.
Moral of the story: I shouldn't have followed back everyone who followed me, and I should have sought out people who used Twitter in a way that I found valuable. - There is a flaw in how other people use Twitter.
This is my personal opinion, of course, but for me, Twitter is a subpar platform for broadcasting the trivial details of one's day. I do think, however, that it can be useful for other purposes.
Here are some valuable ways I've seen Twitter used:- local traffic and weather updates
- eye witness accounts of conferences, severe weather, and other breaking news
- humor (sort of micro-stand-up-- a good example is here)
- links to relevant promos, sales, and contests
- links to relevant news items, opinion pieces, and online conversations
- seeking quick advice (example: "I'm looking for a web designer. Recommendations?")
What I ate for lunch? A detailed description of my cat's hairball? A reminder that, yes, it is still winter? Unless I'm linking to an awesome recipe or making a joke, we can probably can skip it.
My friends can text me about the laundry they're doing or send me an email about the amazing Greek salad they had for lunch, but they can do that because they're my friends. I'm already invested in their success and well-being, so I care. But to be bombarded with this sort of minutiae before I've invested in someone? That's asking a lot.
Moral of the story: Think before you tweet. "Is this adding value to my readers' day?" - There is a flaw in Twitter's design.
Similar complaints have been made about Facebook-- boring status updates, useless information, meaningless connections, etc. The difference for me is the presence of a filter.
With Facebook, all I have to do is click the little "Less About This Person" link and-- presto! My news feed is no longer cluttered with my sophomore year roommate's karaoke pictures and I'm free to focus on the people I care most to stalk: my close friends, and my high school boyfriend* (who is really lame now).
With Twitter, there is no such filter. If someone follows you, and you follow her back to be polite, you are doomed to read every single update she posts for the rest of eternity. And if there are some people whose updates you actually want to read? Good luck digging them out.
Moral of the story: Twitter needs to add some filtering functionality before I will feel comfortable following more than a handful of people.
Just kidding, we're not that close yet.
===
How do you feel about Twitter? I know some of you are die-hard enthusiasts while others wouldn't be caught dead with an '@' sign near your name. Share your thoughts-- and use as many characters as necessary.
* That was a joke; I didn't have a boyfriend in high school. THANKS FOR BRINGING IT UP.
